TLT's Sanctuary

Sunflower Under Pressure

05 Feb 2012 Leave a Comment

by TLT in loved ones

On 7 Oct 2011 the Sun newspaper (theSun SAYS column) reported that 6,540 secondary school students in six school suffer from severe stress, anxiety and even depression. The findings cited academic-related and family problems as among the causes.

Sunflower1 is going to be thirteen on her next birthday. Recently she got 5A’s in her UPSR but that did not secure her a place in a boarding school. I personally had wished that she gained a place in a full boarding school, as I imagined she would be taught better discipline by the school, than by her mom and me back at home. She herself wanted to be in a MRSM college. None of those were to be. After a heartbreak, she now settles down at the daily secondary school which is only next to her old school. It is a relief to notice that she is beginning to like the school, and her class. At the dinner table, she talks about the attention she receives from her teachers. Her class is comprised of 5A’s and 4A’s students who do not make it to a boarding school and is called Kelas Rancangan Khas (KRK).

As a teenager she has begun to show signs of rebelliousness and discontent at times. Sometimes she wants to be by herself. Sometimes she raises her voice to her younger sister and brothers. Sometimes she starts a quarrel with one of them. Sometimes it is difficult asking her to do or finish a task, a house-chore. Between me and her mom, we try to handle the tantrums as they come the best we can. And admittedly there are times when we ourselves lose our cool. If these are the beginning signs of the stress, anxiety or even depression that the newspaper talked about, I do not know. And if they are, I want to nip them in the bud.

The weekday evenings would be spent finishing homework. The entire energy of the day is focused on the schooling. It seems like there are tonnes of homework these days, and she is only in Form One ! At the end of the day, it is no wonder that she may turn waspish and temperamental. Thus I have made a leeway so that Sunflower1 may not get too tired; house-chores on weekdays are not compulsory. Meaning, if they are too tired for the day, I don’t nag over the subject of a topsy-turvy kitchen. And if I myself have enough energy left for the day, dinner will be served before maghrib, so that we have time to catch up on each of the young ones’ latest developments at school.

We as parents, how can we not expect only the best from our kids when we know things may not stay the same in the future ? I used to think getting 5A’s was so minimum a requirement, that if Sunflower1 could not get it, that would reflect on my lack of initiative as a parent. How guilty is that ? I mean, things may get worse with the quality of politicians we have at the helm today . We have no option than to seize the day, while we can. We ourselves are anxious, so the anxiety is unconsciously transferred to the child.

While we strive for the best, we may push the young ones too hard in their academics. At school, again they will face their teachers whose boss persistently tells them to achieve better grades this year.

So, everybody is preaching those under them to achieve higher.

Perhaps there is a different approach parents can take to handle this situation ? I want to find out.